P.S. I can't hear my feet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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