Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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