i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
