What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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