After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
