His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize