apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
