I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
