So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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