guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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