i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
