Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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