the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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