I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
