dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize