you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
