I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
