Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize