and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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