Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My pussy is not your playground.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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