the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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