You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
