You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
not ubering you a puppy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
