Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
