shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
