I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
