I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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