my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The beer is more important than you right now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
