My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
