Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
