After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
