So drunk its hurt
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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