Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
