Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
vagina is talking i cant
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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