Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
