I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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