I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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