forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
