Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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