the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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