worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
