There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
