an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
