He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
