i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize