I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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