she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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