so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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