I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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