I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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