Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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