Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
