mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I need water and some morals
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
