I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize