this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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