wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
