I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
