I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
