and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Randomize
