like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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