sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
