I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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