hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
