i may or may not be watching the land before time
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
