Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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