ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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