i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
