Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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