dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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