it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
