She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
