omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
