Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
