my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
