do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
