But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize